4 YEARS OF SOBRIETY

4 YEARS OF SOBRIETY

February 2nd 2015

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Thinking back, I realize that I’ve probably never felt this good in my entire life before !
It actually feels like I’m free !

I defeated my addiction. I defeated the disease ! “I’m a WINNER !”

That’s how it feels sometimes !
But I know I didn’t really defeat anything. I will live with this for the rest of my life, and I compare it will allergy – “If you will risk your health or life by eating peanuts. And even if you love them – Don’t eat them ! Do everything you can to stay away from them” !!! Never take “Just One” – Don’t even touch them !!! Just Forget it !!!

And ! (Read This)
As I´ve said a thousand times before: My addiction DID NOT depend on my life in music-business, touring or anything of that like most people seem to think. Absolutely not !
It all started at home when I wasn´t really doing anything at all…..

This sick addiction of mine ”only” lasted for about 2,5 years…..and for some people (even for me) it´s kinda strange that it all started so late in my life. But now it´s more clear to me that you actually can become an addict any time or anyday. Maybe it depends on the circumstances or something else….. It´s all so individual.
But during those 2,5 years, things were only getting worse and worse all the time and I ended up at hospital 3 times and did some very stupid things….. I just couldn´t stop !
It felt like the road to hell. But since 4 years it´s all over ! It feels great ! 🙂

But it’s not a problem to be sober for me. I don’t “stay away” from it – I just don’t want to drink anymore. I don’t need it in my life. I don’t even think it tastes good.
If I wanna have something that tastes good I drink Coca-Cola or Chocolate Milk !!!
Don´t try to convince me that it´s the great taste you are looking for !

-The taste is combined with being influenced !
Everything else being said about it is bullshit ! – At least for 99,9 %.

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I´m really glad and proud about that I had the insight, I had the will and I was determinated to take the right path towards a better life and to be a better human being. In the first place for my own sake, but also of course for my family, my kids and my friends.
Life is too good to just waste and throw away !

A door has been opened to another world where there are so many other good things to see and experience. Cause I also now realize how much time I’ve wasted on being drunk and having hangovers – You just don’t get anything done and in the end you only feel bad. Today I’m actually really proud about that I quit, cause almost everyday I see or hear about others who probably never will realize and understand some things for their own good.

There are so many different types of alcoholics out there, denying their addiction !

People tell me I’m strong and say “Good Fighting” ”Good Work” or something like that.

But that’s not the way I see it. To me it was a Decision or “a Promise” to myself.
Once that decision was made – I was moving in the right direction.

Well, ok, you actually could say it was strong to make that decision….

I tried to quit twice before the final decision, but in the back of my head – without understanding it – I was just having a break from the drinking, believing that if I would stay without it for a few months I then could go back to “normal drinking” again, which of course was pure imagination and a lie ! I lied to myself……. Just like all addicts do !

But how the hell could you say goodbye to this long-time friend ?
– actually one of your very best !!

The drinking wasn’t just a ”dear friend”, it was also a way of living and a big part of my life !!??
Why and how the hell could you just give it up and leave it behind !!!?

From the beginning I went to my doctor who gave me “Antabus”, a medicine to prevent drinking. I started to visit AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and I also went to a course that was gonna help me to prevent drinking. I did everything I could !

At AA, I met a guy who became my “sponsor” as they call it. It’s like a mentor. He got me in to reading “the big blue book of AA” – And that’s when I really understood !!!
While reading it I only got through 2 or 3 chapters when I suddenly stopped: “What the hell ?? This book is about ME !!!” How could they possibly know what I was thinking !!! It was all there !! – My thoughts and my values !!?
The answer was very clear and easy: All people who have addiction to alcohol or drugs are thinking the same way !
That´s when I got a 100% sure and I surrendered !
I was no different than the people that were described in this book !
– Alcoholics !

I still don’t think I was an addict before 2008.
But then the downwards spiral started.
I had always been a party-drinker, but mostly I drank too much when I was partying. It was almost never enough. I had to get totally pissed ! But that calmed down as I got older.

I could go on forever to write and talk about all of this……..
I will write more about it later on.

Anyway, I´m sober & happy today !
I´m on the right track – And I will stay there !

Life is good !

Nalle

 

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